apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
