I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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