You work out of a Hotel?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
