I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
