My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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