I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
