how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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