The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Life is so much better after having sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
