Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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