Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
