Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
