As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
