well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
high people should be assigned attendants
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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