WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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