im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
