Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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