remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
