Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize