Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
