my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize