Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
