I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
