I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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