Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
