either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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