when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
