I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
