Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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