why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
