Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
