My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just threw up on my dentist
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
