screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
