there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
