the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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