you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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