Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
