Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
