I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
