I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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