My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
