who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
