I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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