I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
