? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize