Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
