is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry about my life...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
