11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
