Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
