I wanna passion pit in your ass
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's blow job season.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
