Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize