and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
