Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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