Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
