I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
did i just pee glitter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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