Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm having to shit out rocks
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
