at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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