I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
