maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
