We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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