wakey wakey hands off snakey
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
