I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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