Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
