Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry cubswin hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth

(248): View more from Michigan

Sounds like a blessing in disguise

Fav 13 2852 1171
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

Fav 26 4477 1846
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

Fav 22 10540 1449
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

Fav 10 4702 1170
share tweet
(224): View more from Illinois

woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training

Fav 10 4761 1138
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."

Fav 8 6507 1156
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

Fav 84 2328 7202
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.

Fav 4 792 879
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(212): View more from New York

you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms

Fav 0 72 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT