were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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