I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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