i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
