By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
