I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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