tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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