How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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